Lemonade
by Kumiko Hasegawa
Summary: Send me lemons, and I'll make lemonade. Mostly ZoSan/SanZo, maybe some other things if I feel so inclined. Rated M. You know, for the lemon.
1. Directions

**Prompt [tumblr]:** from undanewneon: how about Sanji making sure that Zoro will follow directions to somewhere and not get lost. Perhaps giving the directions… *creatively*? 3

And from xpiester333x: Yes yes. Do that prompt.

* * *

"So, do you know how to get there now?" asked Sanji as he breathed against Zoro's neck. "Or do we need to review?"

Zoro swallowed thickly. If they went over the directions to that underground bar again, he wasn't sure if he'd be in any shape to even leave the house. Not that the perverted cook seemed to care.

Sanji quirked a teasing curly eyebrow. "I'll take that as a 'yes'."

The blonde began to kiss at the already bite-marked skin. "So, first you go out the front door…" He trailed the wet kisses down Zoro's chest, making a bee line for his left nipple. "…and then, which way do you turn?"

"Um…r-right." He yelped when teeth met sensitive flesh. "Dammit, left. I turn left!"

"Good marimo," purred Sanji, licking at the abused nub. "Then what?"

He planted three firm kisses along tanned abdominals, coming to stop just above Zoro's belly button. Sanji blew a tickling breath against a bruising bite mark. Zoro had gotten this part wrong almost every time.

"I walk-" His breath hitched in his throat when he felt teeth graze against his stomach. "I walk three blocks."

A lingering kiss to the sore spot told him that he'd finally gotten that step right. Sanji hummed against his stomach in praise before moving on.

"And then?"

Sanji's warm, wet tongue darted out and, in one languid motion, he licked a trail down to Zoro's navel, circling it once before delving inside. Zoro's back arched slightly at the sensation, and his fingers twitched as they sought to grab at the blonde hair.

"Go through the traffic circle. The bar is in the brick building on the other side."

"Very good," affirmed the cook, retracting his tongue from the small natural well. "And once you're inside?"

Zoro grit his teeth. Oh, he knew this part. Sanji had made sure of that.

"Uh, there's some stairs, and-"

Suddenly, Sanji dove downward, taking Zoro whole in one swift movement. His fingers finally found the silken hair as the cook relentlessly stimulated his still hardened member, his tongue deftly running up and down the underside of it. Zoro's legs shook beneath him. His entire lower half was still hypersensitive from his last "review session"; and Sanji's mouth seemed to radiate heat, applying just enough suction to milk him of everything he had.

Every part of him in contact with the blonde itched and burned with rapidly returning arousal. All too soon, Zoro could feel familiar pressure building inside of him, pooling and boiling as it waited for the dam to break. Every drop of blood in his body seemed to have travelled south, each beat of his heart throbbing painfully hard around Sanji's locked lips.

"-go down the stairs and I'm there!" he blurted out as if the entire sentence were one word, his voice raising an octave at the end as what little had remained within him spilled into Sanji's mouth.

Sanji pulled away and swallowed, wiping at the corner of his mouth with a thumb as he looked teasingly up at the other man.

"You finally got it," he murmured, sounding somewhere between pleased and disappointed. Rising slowly from where he knelt on the floor, Sanji stood and pressed himself against Zoro, never breaking eye contact all the while. Smirking with satisfaction, he wrapped his arms around the muscled neck and ground against Zoro's worn out member. Zoro felt the color drain from his face. The damned cook was still half hard. Grinning widely now, Sanji leaned in close, his lips brushing against Zoro's ear and his breath ruffling green hair as he spoke.

"Shall I tell you how to get to the back door?"


	2. Twerking Zoro

**Prompt [tumblr]:** from anon: How about a twerking Zoro? Should be amusing enough for a lemonade?

I ended up having to look up what this meant. Sad, I know.

I do not own One Piece.

* * *

Try as he might, Sanji couldn't look away. It was like watching a car accident; a terrible, metal-twisting, bone-smashing, life-ending car accident in marimo form. And he just couldn't look away.

In the middle of the living room, standing on top of a creaking coffee table, was Zoro. The moss ball had long since relieved himself of his pants, and was trapped in the apparently difficult process of pulling his shirt off from over his head. All the while, he had never stopped dancing, er, well, whatever he was doing. Zoro was posed in a sort of unnatural squat, gyrating and shaking his hips in a way that made the muscle and fat in his back and butt vibrate and ripple.

_Note to self: the next time Zoro drinks vodka, have a camera handy._

Sanji continued to watch the marimo's antics, his arms flung over the back of the couch and a half-finished glass of wine grasped idly in one hand. There was something oddly arousing about Zoro's sad, strange attempt at dancing. Watching the muscles in his back and stomach stretch and bulge with each movement sent a pleasant tingle running up and down Sanji's spine. He wanted that sculpted body on top of him, wanted those powerful arms tangled around him, and wanted those sharply cut hips grinding against him.

Blue eyes followed each jerking thrust like a predator stalking prey. Sanji's pants were getting tighter and tighter by the second, and Zoro was still completely oblivious.

Finally managing to pull the frustrating cotton off of his head, Zoro tossed it across the room and turned to look at Sanji, a wobbly grin slowly spreading across his drunk-blushed face.

"You like what you see, Sw-Sw-Schwirly?" he slurred, all but tripping off of the table and falling on top of the blonde. With the same twitching movements of his odd dance, Zoro began to grind against Sanji's lap.

He was already aroused by Zoro's half naked dance, but this was too much. Sanji could feel his erection fighting with his pants, his pulse throbbing almost painfully in the hardened length as it pressed against his closed zipper. He groaned as the stupid moss ball ground down closer, nearly crushing the wine glass in his hand. Just a little more and he would completely cream himself. These were his favorite pants, dammit.

Then, all of a sudden, Zoro's burst of drunken energy seemed to wear off, and he slumped against Sanji, all of his considerable body weight coming down on the blonde's very hard cock. Sanji's eyes widened to the size of small saucers at the added pressure, something between a wheeze and a whine escaping his lungs.

_Ouch. _

He held still as for a long as possible, his pulse beating wildly against Zoro's buttocks as he waffled between annoyance at his predicament and worry about alcohol poisoning. Then Zoro gave a good loud snore right in his ear and his mind was made up. Annoyance it was then.

"GODDAMMIT, MARIMO! YOU FUCKING SHITTY GRASS GREEN BASTARD! GERROFF!"

With a rough shove, he tossed Zoro off. Standing quickly, he stumbled away from the couch, wincing as the movement jostled his still very real arousal. He watched the slumbering marimo for a few moments, taking in every beautifully sculpted detail and trying his best not to think about the amount of drool was was going to collect on his nice throw pillows, before an extra hard throb down below reminded him of his current predicament.

"Sleep it off Moss Head," Sanji muttered, walking slightly bow-legged as he made his way for the bathroom. "I'm taking a shower."


	3. Kinder Eggs

**Prompt [tumblr]:** from myladyday (aka the Prompt Queen): Suddenly, wild smut ideas with Kinder Eggs appear XD There, take that as a prompt :D

This was too much fun to write...

I do not own One Piece.

* * *

"So, what is this thing?" asked Zoro, eyeing the small egg-shaped candy with suspicion.

"It's a Kinder Egg," explained Sanji, studying the treat with equal curiosity. "I picked it up at the airport in Paris. They have tons of them over there. It's kinda cool. I wonder why they don't sell them here."

"Maybe it's dangerous," pondered Zoro, taking the mystery candy from the blonde and slowly peeling back the brightly colored foil.

Sanji gave Zoro a deadpan look. "For who? Idiot parents that don't watch their kids?"

Zoro merely shrugged as he continued to unwrap the candy, revealing the smooth rich brown surface. Tossing the torn foil to the side, he held up the chocolate egg, his expression still mirroring his distrust for the new food. He gave it a slight shake, raising his eyebrows when he heard something rattle inside.

"You better eat that before it melts," said Sanji, indicating the rapidly softening chocolate that was smearing Zoro's fingers.

"Yeah?" smirked Zoro.

With one deft movement, he broke the egg in half, cupping one side in his palm and putting the other in his mouth. The chocolate began to melt almost instantly, flooding his tongue with the rich, silky, creaminess. He wasn't normally a fan of this sweet stuff, but this Kinder chocolate was some good shit.

"You missed some," murmured Sanji, leaning in quickly and licking at a glob of chocolate at the corner of Zoro's lips. He remained close, his breath tickling at Zoro's cheek as he swirled the flavor around his practiced pallet.

"Wow," he breathed, his hand coming up to grasp at Zoro's shirt. "That's good chocolate."

Zoro swallowed thickly. Yeah, it was good chocolate, but did it really deserve such a strong reaction? The blonde looked like he was ready to orgasm right then and there. _Now, there's an idea._

The other half of the chocolate egg had already been reduced to soft brown mush in his suddenly very warm hand, and he tipped it slightly, letting the small plastic container that had been inside clatter to the floor before reaching up and shoving his chocolate-covered palm in Sanji's face.

"If you like it so much, have some more," teased Zoro, roughly smearing the chocolate over Sanji's lips, up his cheek, along his jawline, and down his neck.

"What the hell, Marimo?!" snapped the blonde, jerking away and almost stumbling backwards.

Zoro smirked, suddenly feeling a wave of heat rocket below his belt line. Sanji looked downright delectable covered in chocolate, especially when said chocolate was as flavorful as this Kinder stuff. Sanji huffed and turned his fierce glare away from Zoro, picking at a small amount of sugary brown that had gotten on his shirt collar.

"I swear, if this stains, I'll kill you myself," he grumbled, all of his attention turned toward the sullied silk.

Still muttering irritably under his breath about stupid impulsive marimos and chocolate stains, Sanji began to unbutton his shirt, intending to get it clean as quickly as possible. Zoro's eyes widened as he watched one button after another undone. The chocolate stood in stark contrast to Sanji's milky skin, the soft brown perfectly complementing the pink undertones in the pale flesh. His heart thumped hard in his chest, sending a rush of blood south. Oh god, he wanted to lick every bit of that chocolate off of him.

Then he saw Sanji's tongue dart out of his mouth, absently licking at the chocolate caked at his lips as he tugged the shirt free, and the last of Zoro's self control dissolved completely.

In a powerful burst of speed, he lunged at the distracted blonde, knocking them both to the floor. Sanji instinctively raised his hands, pushing at Zoro's chest in an attempt to free himself, only to have his wrists captured in Zoro's tight grip, his arms forced over his head.

"What are you doing?" he growled, wriggling slightly in Zoro's grasp.

Zoro only grinned and leaned in closer to his trapped lover to lick at the chocolate on his neck. He slowly ran his tongue along the slightly stained collar bone until he reached Sanji's neck. The chocolate was slightly thicker there, it would take more work. Zoro prodded at it with his tongue for a moment, before opening his mouth and clamping down on the sweetened flesh, scraping at the chocolate with his teeth and then sucking it away. Sanji made a small whining noise in the back of his throat that vibrated deliciously in Zoro's mouth. Yes. Yes, this method was far more effective.

With tauntingly slow movements, Zoro worked his way up Sanji's neck, meticulously sucking the chocolate away and leaving a trail of red marks in its place. When he found a particularly heavy glob caked at the sharp angle of his jaw, he nipped at it with enough force to make the blonde gasp, his back arching sharply beneath him. That always had been a sensitive spot. As he continued his journey along Sanji's blushing cheeks, he felt him grow more and more excited, each breath becoming shorter and shorter. Unable to contain himself any longer, Sanji thrust his hips upward, pressing them against Zoro's as their lips finally met in a firm, chocolatey kiss. Zoro closed his eyes and pressed against the blonde more forcefully, pinning him to the floor as he licked at his lips until they parted, allowing him to taste the chocolate-tinged teeth and tongue inside.

He could feel Sanji quivering beneath him, the tactile experience overwhelming his other senses. Zoro grinned against his mouth before deepening the kiss.

_May as well go all the way then._

Reaching down with his free hand, he roughly unbuckled Sanji's belt, making quick work of unfastening and unzipping his pants and sliding them to midway down the blonde's shaking thighs. Zoro didn't need to look to know that Sanji was ready. He could feel the tented fabric of Sanji's boxers beneath his grasp.

"Guess you really like that chocolate, huh?" Zoro teased, breaking the kiss for a moment.

Sanji smirked, trying his best to maintain some semblance of composure. "Yeah. Sure, the chocolate."

"Anything else that you're enjoying?" asked Zoro, snaking his still chocolate-covered hand beneath Sanji's boxers.

"N-Not really-" Sanji's breath caught in his throat when Zoro gave his trapped erection a slight squeeze. "You know…that's some damn good chocolate."

Not to be outdone by a chocolate egg, Zoro retracted his hand from the dampened boxers to feel around the floor for something, _anything_ that he could use to toy with the blonde a little more. After a few moments, his fingers met smooth rounded plastic, and his eyebrows shot up. Ah, yes, that little yellow thingy. He had nearly forgotten about that.

Pulling it over, he held it between their faces, allowing Sanji to study it as he did the same. It was an odd little object. Bright yellow and oblong, he could only guess that the small container was meant to somehow resemble the yolk of the egg. It was completely barren of any sort of surface details other than a thin line that split it roughly a third of the way down and a small tab that served as a hinge. So the thing was meant to open. Zoro gave the capsule a slight shake and was rewarded with a faint rattle that spoke of a prize inside. Well, they would just have to wait to find out what it was. He had other plans for the little yellow toy.

Sanji frowned. He didn't like the implications behind the shit-eating grin that was slowly dawning on Zoro's face. It only ever meant trouble.

"Oi, Moss Head," he grumbled around panting breaths. "You better not be thinking what I think you're thinking."

Zoro chuckled darkly. _Too late._

In a blur of motion, Zoro let go of Sanji's trapped wrists, sat up on his knees, pulled down Sanji's boxers, and pressed the small plastic yolk against his entrance. He held the rounded end against the puckered hole for a moment, relishing in the sound of his lover whimpering and moaning as he shifted between panicked discomfort and curious arousal, before pushing it in until only half of it remained outside his body.

Sanji's back arched completely off of the floor at the intrusion, his freed hands grasping at his own hair for lack of a better alternative. Zoro bared his teeth in a wide victorious grin. That _had_ been a really good idea. He briefly wondered at how long the blonde would be able to hold it in. Zoro hummed, spotting the chocolate that was smeared on Sanji's cock. There was only one way to find out.

Bending forward, he began to lick at the heated flesh, starting at the base of the straining organ and leisurely making his way to the tip. As he worked at cleaning away the chocolate, Zoro could feel his own body begin to react. The sweet of the sugar and the salt of Sanji's sweat and pre-cum blended harmoniously on his tongue, and sent shivers of pleasure travelling from his mouth all the way down to his groin. Grasping at the slender hips with rough hands, he wrapped his mouth around the blonde's weeping head and pressed the tip of his tongue down into the slit as if to dig out any chocolate that may have been trapped inside. Zoro heard a sharp intake of breath followed by a telltale thunk and clatter that told him that Sanji had ejected the foreign object from his body. Good. He had been getting jealous of that lucky little plastic bastard anyway.

Satisfied that he had finally consumed all of the remaining chocolate, Zoro released Sanji's cock with a loud slurp and sat back to admire his work. The blonde was panting and twitching on the floor before him, his pale chest covered in sweat from the effort of trying to hold out against the euphoric pressure building in his nether regions. Just the sight of the blonde hanging precariously over the edge was enough to make Zoro's own member twitch with want. Moving with practiced, lustful urgency, he slid off his own pants, allowing them to bunch around his knees. He spit into his hand, using the chocolate-tinged saliva as an impromptu lubricant, before lifting Sanji's legs and pressing his knees to his heaving chest.

"You ready?" he asked as he carefully aligned himself.

Sanji swallowed thickly and nodded, his eyes screwed shut and his hands fisted tightly in his own hair.

The silent answer was all the permission that Zoro needed. Not wanting to wait even a millisecond more, he thrust into the blonde, his breath catching in his lungs as he was enveloped by the tight heat. Sanji had been away for so long, and he had so missed the feeling of being with him in such an intimate manner. Zoro sat for a moment, simply enjoying the feeling of Sanji's body around him, until a slight clench of muscle reminded him of what he was supposed to be doing.

Zoro began to move then, pulling out slightly before pushing back inside, adjusting his angle, rate, and intensity as he went. Another gasp and a powerful squeezing of muscle around his cock told him that he'd hit at Sanji's most tender spot. Feeling a combined surge of pleasure and victory, Zoro drove at the blonde's prostate over and over, relishing in every resulting moan and shudder. Sanji was so close, and just the sight and feeling of being so near to him had Zoro ready to plunge right over the edge along with him.

Reaching down, he grabbed a hold of Sanji's neglected cock, stroking it vigorously as he increased his pace. One, two, three more thrusts was all it took before Sanji came, Zoro's shouted name echoing around the apartment as he spilled over his hand. Zoro only lasted a few seconds longer before the feeling of the spasming muscles moving against his cock was too much. Releasing Sanji's spent member, he held his hips in a bone-bruising grip once again as he came inside his lover.

The pair of them remained still for several minutes, both of them panting from exertion. Finally finding feeling restored to sex-numbed limbs, Zoro pulled out and stood, staring at Sanji with a victorious smirk and then walking away.

"Where are you going?" asked Sanji, not bothering to raise his head from the floor.

"To get you a new shirt," camed Zoro's response from down the hall.

Sanji shrugged his shoulders. His shirt was the farthest thing from his mind. Now he just wanted a cigarette. Sitting up, he began to dig into the pockets of the pants still bunched around his knees. It didn't take much searching to find the slightly crushed pack of cigarettes and his favorite lighter, and he quickly lit up.

A few deep drags later had Sanji coming down from the euphoric high of orgasm at just the right rate. He puffed thoughtfully on the cigarette, wondering what was taking the moss head so damned long. Maybe he'd gotten lost. A flash of yellow peeking out between his legs caught his attention, and he cautiously retrieved the little plastic capsule.

"These things really are dangerous," he muttered as he ran his fingers over the now slightly slick surface. With a small squeeze, the container popped open, allowing him to peer curiously inside.

Sanji hummed to himself and pulled away the lid, revealing a small, ridiculously adorable reptilian face. Overturning the capsule, he dumped the toy into his hand and chuckled. It was a little green t-rex.

"Hey, Marimo! We won a dinosaur!"

Silence.

"It looks kind of like you!"

More silence.

"I wonder if he's part of a set," he muttered to himself, setting aside the toy so he could look at the slip of paper that had accompanied it. His eyes were met by a colorful illustration of nine different little dinosaurs, each with its own distinct color and personality.

He continued to study the drawing and the warning label written in sixteen different languages before the silence in the apartment became deafening. Sanji grumbled irritably. Just what was Zoro _doing_ back there. Then he remembered his suitcase lying open on the bed. _Oh, shit._

"Oi, Curlybrow!" yelled Zoro, his voice growing louder as he returned to the living room. Sanji turned slowly where he sat, the color draining from his face when he saw the white and orange package in Zoro's hand. Zoro grinned. "You didn't tell me these came in packs of three."

* * *

Dinosaurs are dedicated to MerryAnchor. Granny Kumiko loves her babies.


	4. Grocery Store Vibrator

**Prompt [FanFiction]:** from AwesomeDouche...maybe do one with exhibitionism? Like, Zoro forces Sanji to walk around town with a vibrator in his ass?

This fic is rated M. Un-betaed. Please forgive mistakes. I wanted to upload this before leaving for work.

I do not own One Piece.

* * *

Never again. That was all Sanji could think. Never ever _ever_ EVER again.

He was never going to play strip poker with Nami and Zoro, ever. No. Because he always lost, well, everything. Nami was impossible to beat at any sort of gambling, and by the end of the night he always lost his clothes, his money, and apparently this time (since Zoro had also by some miracle, beaten him at several hands) his dignity. Sanji had had a little too much wine during their game, and had found himself naked and penniless within the span of a couple of hours. Without anything else to bet, he had foolishly begun to bet with dares. If he lost, he would do whatever they wanted; a drunken decision that he thoroughly regretted now.

Sanji shuddered and gritted his teeth at the indescribable sensation eating at his insides. The jeans he was wearing were too tight, _way _too tight. They were an older pair of Nami's after all. The light denim—a remnant of the redhead's acid wash obsession—wrapped snuggly around his legs, stretched over his ass, and just barely managed to contain his family jewels. He hadn't been able to fit any underwear underneath them, so the fabric rubbed uncomfortably at his most sensitive areas. The skinny jeans weren't the root of his discomfort, though they did exacerbate the problem. Wearing the uncomfortably tight clothing in public had been Nami's idea; the vibrator currently shoved up his ass was Zoro's.

"What's the matter, Curlybrow?" asked Zoro, raising an amused eyebrow at the twitchy blonde. The damned marimo smirked, and Sanji tensed when he saw him reach for the remote tucked safely in his pocket. "Come on, we haven't even walked through the door yet."

The intensity of the vibrator's movements increased, and Sanji stumbled over the doormat to their local grocery store. He blushed furiously when an old woman gave him a funny look and a wide berth. This was his favorite grocery store, and after this he probably wouldn't be able to show his face here ever again. At least his coat was long enough to cover the very noticeable bulge of the end of the vibrator in the back of the too-tight jeans, not to mention his very hard erection pressing painfully against the zipper.

"Let's just get this over with," he ground out through his clenched jaw.

Trying his best—and no doubt failing miserably—to walk normally, Sanji made his way over to the long line of shopping carts. If he could just tug one free, he could use it as support and another barrier between his throbbing cock and the poor, innocent, unknowing public. He'd very nearly made it to his goal when his damned shitty boyfriend chose to click up to the next setting. With a barely audible whirring sound, the toy shook more vigorously inside him. Caught off guard despite himself, Sanji's knees buckled, and he tripped over his own feet, only just managing to catch himself on the handle of the shopping cart.

Bracing himself against the plastic coated handle, he slowly righted himself. The throbbing down below was already unbearable, and the pre-cum moistened denim itched up and down his cock. Sanji stood still for a moment, steadying himself against the cart and attempting to regulate his breathing.

"You gonna make it?" Zoro taunted, his voice strained with a barely suppressed laugh.

Sanji made a point of ignoring the stupid perverted plant, leaning heavily on the cart as he pulled it out of the its mate and stiffly made his way further into the store. He managed to get through the produce and baked goods without too many problems, albeit slowly. In the canned goods aisle, Zoro decided to up the setting again, drawing a series of breathless swears from Sanji as he doubled over the cart. The increased vibrations caused a whole new powerful throbbing sensation down below and the already tight jeans suddenly felt much more constricting. He felt Zoro run a hand up under his coat, caressing his back through his shirt, and sending shivers up and down his spine.

"Have you had enough yet?" The challenge in Zoro's voice was so obvious that it was painful.

"Like hell, I have," retorted Sanji, batting his boyfriend's hand away and giving him a lopsided smirk.

He cast a quick glance down to the wrinkled shopping list in his sweaty hand. Only the milk was left.

Zoro continued to chuckle and snicker in Sanji's wake as they made their way over to the refrigerated section. As he walked, he could feel the eyes of other customers on him, harried whispers following him down the aisles. A fierce blush burned at his cheeks and colored the tips of his ears, and Sanji couldn't decide if it was more from his painfully crushed arousal or from embarrassment.

He breathed a small sigh of relief when they reached the wall sized refrigerator without incident. The two percent milk was thankfully right at chest height, no stretching or bending required. Swinging open the door with only a little more force than he had intended, Sanji let the chilled air wash over him; the refrigerated mist feeling like heaven against his heated skin. He let out a satisfied breath, the vibrator's movements suddenly not feeling quite so uncomfortable. Maybe he could just crawl inside the massive appliance and live there until Zoro grew bored with his game or the battery died.

"Why don't we try the Vitamin D milk this time?" suggested Zoro, coming up and standing close enough that his body heat very nearly overwhelmed the cold from the refrigerator.

Sanji quickly scanned the selection of dairy and whimpered. The Vitamin D milk was on the bottom shelf. He turned to Zoro, his chin quivering with a mixture of mock and very real pleading. Zoro bared his teeth in a wide grin, his eyes flicking from Sanji's face to the gallon of milk at near floor level and back. He waved a hand at the milk, raising his eyebrows expectedly, and then crossed his arms. Sanji hung his head in defeat. Dammit, he was going to make Zoro pay.

Getting the milk out off of the rack should have been easy. Just bend, grab, throw in cart. Instead, Sanji simply stood there and fidgeted, unsure of the best way to retrieve his prize without causing himself any greater discomfort. Crouching or kneeling would put too much pressure on already agitated body parts, and he didn't relish what the movement would do to the tightly stretched denim over his butt. No, bending at the waist would be better.

His fingers had just brushed against the cold edge of the jug's handle when he realized the error in his ways. Zoro moved to stand right behind him, casually reaching out and palming Sanji's ass as if it were a perfectly normal thing to do in the dairy section of the supermarket. Dexterous fingers snaked between his legs, gliding over his balls and the base of his cock with a whisper soft touch that tingled through the way-too-small jeans, while the thumb busied itself tracing the hard, perfectly circular outline of the vibrator that pressed at the denim.

"You fucking bastard," Sanji growled breathlessly, his body trembling under the combined force of the vibrator and his own wanton excitement. "Don't even think about—ngh!"

Zoro moved the setting up once more, using his thumb to push the toy further into Sanji's shaking body as it whirred to life. Stars exploded before Sanji's eyes, and he lurched forward in conjunction with a good hard throb of pressure that coincided with a thorough soaking of Nami's jeans. Carton, bottles, and jugs of milk rattled in their designated homes as Sanji made contact with the massive refrigerator, only just barely managing to catch the one that tried to fall from its slanted shelf. A spill in the aisle would guarantee their exposure, though he guessed by the growing wet spot on his crotch that he had already spilled plenty.

His face burning with a whole new level of embarrassment that he hadn't realized he could attain, Sanji excused himself from the situation and stumbled his way toward the public bathroom, which was thankfully at the back of the store, between the dairy and the deli. The door to the little unisex bathroom banged open loudly as he rushed inside, intent upon removing the device that was wreaking havoc upon his body and his sanity. With violently trembling hands, he stripped off his coat, slinging it over the sink, and then turned all of his attention south.

Nami's old jeans were completely creamed. Sanji guessed that it was a good thing that she didn't fit into them anymore, because he doubted that she would want them back after this. The entire front of the low slung pants were soaked, and he could feel the warm moisture slowly traveling down his legs. Sanji shuddered. He hadn't felt this way since he'd wet himself at the zoo in the first grade. With as much care as he could muster, he unbuttoned and zipped the confining clothing and peeled the cum-saturated fabric away. The vibrator continued to hum away in his backside, and he gasped as his half-hard member met the cold air.

"Oi, Dartboard, you alive in here?" asked Zoro, not bothering to knock before he walked in.

Sanji somehow managed an irritated huff around his aroused panting. He should have locked the damned door. Zoro eyed Sanji's predicament and smirked. Without a word, he turned and locked the door. His hand sneaked into his pocket, headed straight for the remote, and Sanji's eyes widened. He shook his head frantically from side to side, his tongue no longer working well enough for words. Zoro grinned and stepped closer, pressing Sanji's trembling body against the tiled wall with the metal handicap rail digging into his lower back. With a quick movement, he lunged forward and claimed Sanji's gasping mouth in a kiss, distracting him as he upped the setting once more.

Sanji whined around the kiss, his sweating hands scrambling at Zoro's shirt, balling and unballing the cotton and leaving behind wet wrinkles. The vibrator was so loud that its whirring was plainly audible, its buzzing echoing slightly in the small bathroom.

"Your hips are shaking," teased Zoro, breaking the sloppy kiss. He petted Sanji's hair away from his face, tucking some of the stray strands behind his blush-tinged ear. Sanji only managed a whimper in response, and Zoro's smirk widened to a grin. "I can take care of that."

Using his proximity to keep Sanji pinned to the wall, Zoro wiggled out of his pants, letting them puddle around his ankles. Sanji groaned when he felt the marimo's erection brush against his leg. The damned shitty bastard. He hadn't even noticed that the stupid moss head was aroused.

"You…fucking…bas—mmn." Zoro silenced his breathless swearing with another kiss.

A couple of rough hands reached down and cupped Sanji's ass, sliding over the smooth pale skin until they hooked under his thighs and lifted him from the floor. Caught up in the moment, and somehow not caring about the unsanitary state of the bathroom, Sanji wrapped his arms around Zoro's neck and his legs around his waist. They simply ground against one another for several minutes, letting the friction of skin on heated skin do all the work, until Zoro grew impatient. Sanji felt fingers tease at his entrance, playing with skin that had been made hypersensitive by the constant ministrations of the vibrator.

"You better take that thing out, asshole," growled Sanji, his voice husky with want.

Zoro grinned against his lips. "Nope."

Sanji didn't even get a chance to protest. He wasn't sure how his sneaky lover managed to aligned himself so quickly, but any and all trains of thought completely derailed when Zoro pulled the vibrator to the side and plunged his cock in beside it. Sanji's back arched and he gasped, tears stinging at his eyes as he was double penetrated by both flesh and plastic completely unprepared. Zoro held him steady for a moment, allowing the panting and whimpering blonde to get used to the feeling, and then he began to move.

With slow steady beats, Zoro pulled out and pushed in, the tightness of Sanji's muscles causing the vibrator to move in and out with him. Sanji moaned and clutched more tightly against his lover's body as a whole new wave of pressure swelled inside him. His previously spent cock stood at full attention between them; and Zoro reached down to stimulate it as well, pumping him in perfect harmony with his established rhythm, only stopping to momentarily play with the pre-cum that dripped from his tip.

Soon, Sanji was certain that he would burst, his muscles tightened and coiling around Zoro in warning as familiar heat pooled in his groin. He dug his nails into Zoro's skin through his shirt, burying his face in the tanned neck in hopes of keeping silent. He was close, so close; and based on Zoro's rabbit-y pulse, he was nearly there as well.

"Z-Zo-ro—ngh—jus…just do it," moaned Sanji.

Needing no second urging, Zoro pulled his hand away from Sanji's twitching length and reached into his pocket once more. The vibrator responded immediately to the command from its remote, buzzing with enough vigor to send them both over the edge. In the last moments before orgasm, Zoro grabbed at Sanji's chin and pressed against him in another firm kiss, effectively quieting any shouting that might have further given them away in the public place.

When they were both completely spent, Zoro broke the kiss and pulled out, taking care to leave the vibrator in place as he let Sanji slump against the wall. Gripping the metal rail for support, Sanji tried his best to steady his quaking knees. The damned vibrator was still going strong; he was fairly certain that the devilish device would outlast him. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Zoro cleaning himself up with a wad of paper towels before pulling up and zipping his pants. Sanji tentatively reached for the vibrator. It had been long enough, surely Zoro wouldn't care or notice if he removed it.

"Ah, no you don't," commanded Zoro, grabbing Sanji's wrist.

Sanji gave him a pleading look. Zoro grinned.

"This thing has ten settings," he teased, waving the remote just out of Sanji's reach. "We haven't even gotten half way."

Leaning forward, he kissed the spent blonde again, using the distraction to pull up the too-tight women's jeans and trap his growing erection behind the denim once again. Sanji whimpered when they broke the kiss. He wasn't sure if he would walk well enough to make it out of the bathroom, let alone all the way home. Apparently coming to the same conclusion, Zoro slung his arm over his shoulder and picked him up bridal style, completely ignoring Sanji's flustered wordless protesting as he grabbed the coat hanging on the back of the door and made his way back out into the store.

The cart was parked just outside of the bathroom, and Zoro unceremoniously deposited his blonde amongst their groceries. Sanji only managed a frustrated grumble, hurriedly pulling his coat over himself to hide the wet bulge in his pants. He could only imagine what he was going to be in for when they got home.

Never again. Never _ever_ again. He was never going to play strip poker against Zoro and Nami again. Ever.


	5. Shower Fantasies

**Prompt [tumblr]: **from BlackBarBooks: HEY! I would like to ask for some lemonade~ How about Sanji and Zoro decide to do some 'roleplaying': as in pretend not to know each other when they are actually dating? AU or MerrySunsetting is your choise! C: (p.s Bonuspoints if they have outfits on or 'roleplay' their meeting in public with an audience.)

*nervous laugh* So, this kind of turned into something else. I just let my inspiration go where it wanted to take me. I hope that you enjoy it nonetheless!

Rated **M**.

I do not own One Piece.

* * *

Nami quietly slunk into the bathroom, being sure to shut and lock the door behind her, even double checking to make sure that none of her crewmates would be able to gain entry. The last thing she wanted was to get caught in the midst of her shower.

Normally, the redhead preferred to soak in a nice relaxing bubble bath, but every now and then, she found herself craving the constant rhythm of the water beating down on weary skin. It was both soothing and stimulating, the perfect combination of sensation to offset what she had planned for her evening.

Turning on the faucet, she let the water heat up as she slowly undressed, neatly folding and stacking her clothes on the sink. Once she had completely stripped, she reached out with a tentative hand to check the temperature, and then stepped under the spray. Nami shivered and sighed as soon as she felt the water hit her head, neck, and back; immediately soaking her hair and plastering it to her skin. This shower ritual had become so routine for her of late that her body knew what to expect the moment that it was subjected to the familiar stimulus. Her skin tingled with excitement and she just barely managed to get her hair washed and rinsed, and her underarms, bikini line, and legs shaved before the wait became completely unbearable.

Leaning back against the tiled wall of the shower, Nami rested her head against the wall and closed her eyes, snaking her right hand down her body, gently caressing the curves of her stomach and hips, before finally finding her goal. Without any hesitation, she burrowed her finger underneath the folds of skin, easily finding the small bundle of nerves hidden inside, and began to rub as she called up her favorite fantasy.

It had surprised her, the first time that she had found herself fantasizing about her crewmates. Really, it shouldn't have come as such a shock. The months the Straw Hats spent at sea could get lonely, especially when she had no one to share a bed with-a girl had needs after all-and she spent so much time surrounded by, really, rather attractive men her own age; so the fact that any of their faces would come to mind when she was indulging in a little alone time really wasn't all that strange. No, what had taken her aback wasn't that she had envisioned her crewmates, or that she didn't imagine herself with them; it was that she imagined them with each other. Namely, Zoro and Sanji.

Whenever she attempted to rationalize it, she always, _always_, came back to their looks and personalities. Luffy was too goofy to picture having sex and Usopp was just too awkward. Chopper was an animal; and she had absolutely no interest in bestiality. Robin was like a sister to her, and Brook was way old. And finally Franky...well, she wasn't even sure how those things worked for the cyborg. By contrast, Zoro and Sanji were both her age, attractive, and acted mature enough most of the time that the mere thought of either of them naked didn't give her shivers or fits of giggling. Not to mention, that their constant bickering and sparing created a sort of electrical tension that was often too much for her sex-starved brain to handle. Yes, they were perfect.

Nami hummed to herself as her fantasy unfolded behind her eyelids. In this particular daydream, the swordsman and the cook had never met. Her imagination shamelessly took the dueling pair to a far away kingdom. Sanji was a prince and Zoro was his dutiful bodyguard. Both of them looked so handsome in their medieval style garb, but Nami's mind didn't linger on their wardrobes-they wouldn't be wearing them for long.

Sanji and Zoro had just finished training, and they were in the blond prince's chambers, both of them slick with sweat and still slightly short of breath as Zoro helped Sanji undress. True to training form, Zoro was already shirtless, his body a tanned, muscled piece of chiseled perfection in only closely fitting pants; his powerful muscles flexing and stretching beneath his skin as he deftly untied the drawstring on Sanji's pants.

Nami bit her lip as she pictured the article of clothing briefly snagging on Sanji's hardened cock before Zoro freed it with a tug to let the fabric fall and bunch around the blond's ankles. She had seen the boys get accidental hard-ons during their sparring before, and it was all the pretext her mind needed for her torrid plotless pornographic fantasy.

She let out a heated breath as Sanji crashed his lips against Zoro's, eagerly forcing his tongue inside. The two of them remained pressed together for several minutes with Sanji grinding his erection against Zoro's tented pants until the green-haired guard couldn't take it anymore.

With a feral growl, Zoro grabbed a hold of Sanji's shoulders and forced him to back-peddle across the room until he was pushed backwards on the bed. Zoro made quick work of his own pants, ripping them from his hips to reveal his thick, throbbing cock. Before Sanji could so much as make a sound, Zoro grabbed his legs just below the knee and forced them upwards, sending the blond sprawling on his back with his flexible legs touching his chest. Sanji moaned, his pert nipples visible through the thin silk of his shirt as his chest heaved with excited panting breaths, prompting Nami to make a similar sound as she pictured it.

Zoro took a moment to align himself, and Sanji and Nami both felt their breath catch in their throats as they waited for the inevitable plunge. Nami brushed a fingertip between her legs in perfect unison with Zoro's teasing of Sanji's entrance, her eyelids fluttering as she imagined how it must feel for Sanji to be kept waiting on the edge of pleasure. Then, finally, Zoro thrust in.

Nami gasped and leaned her head back, knocking it against the tile wall as she plunged her finger inside in time with her imaginary Zoro's movements. Her entire body trembled and shook as she imagined what it must feel like for Sanji to be so completely filled. As Zoro thrust into him, Sanji reached down and began to stroke his own member, causing Nami to feel a rush of tingling, itching feeling that condensed and electrified the wet, heated skin beneath her fingertip. She tried to convince her body that she was feeling what Sanji was feeling, that she knew what it was like to simultaneously have Zoro's massive cock inside of her while being able to relentlessly stimulate a pulsating shaft of pure feeling that could fit within and fill up her entire hand. Nami's hips bucked forward as she felt a particularly powerful throb of pressure in conjunction with the image of Sanji gripping his own cock tightly, pressing his thumb masochistically against his weeping tip. The redhead shuddered, each breath coming as a desperate gasp. She was so close, _so close_. Then Zoro gave a particularly powerful thrust, completely sheathing himself within Sanji's tight heat.

"Ngh...Zo...ah...San..."

She squealed breathlessly, trying her best to keep her voice down as her pelvic muscles flexed and throbbed and thrummed with pleasure at her orgasm. Nami jutted her hips forward as far as her flexibility would allow, her back arching completely until only her shoulders were in contact with the shower wall. She held the pose for several minutes as she rode her high, her body gradually relaxing as it settled down from its self-induced euphoria.

Nami stood under the water for several minutes, letting any fluids wash away. She smiled to herself. That had been a good fantasy, but next time she would have to try a little bondage. As she shut off the water and grabbed her towel, she couldn't help but to lament the fact that it was so unlikely that Zoro and Sanji would ever end up together. They really did make for an attractive couple.

* * *

Meanwhile, down in the lowest levels of the Thousand Sunny, hidden away in one of the store rooms, Zoro let out a violent, loud sneeze. Sniffling, he wiped at his nose with the back of his hand and frowned.

"What are you making that stupid face for, shitty swordsman?" growled Sanji.

Zoro glowered at him. "I sneezed."

"So? Maybe you're getting a cold."

"I never get sick. Someone must be talking about me."

Sanji was mid-eyeroll when he sneezed as well.

"See?" said Zoro. "They must be talking about you too."

"Whatever." Sanji waved the comment away with a more successful, uninterrupted roll of his eyes. "You're so fucking superstitious, Marimo."

Zoro bristled at the rude remark, advancing on the blond, ready and willing to fight only to have his arguments silenced by a firm, passionate kiss. After several minutes, Sanji pulled back and grinned at him.

"Forget about the sneezes, Moss Head," he teased. "Let's fuck before the others come looking for us."


End file.
